if you think you've got it, you don't

When I stumbled onto Taoism a few years ago and I noticed its ideas resonating within me, I thought, "This is it. This is what will get me the life I'm looking for." I still think this is true, but what I would later realize is that focusing on the "getting" will block your path to actually obtaining what you seek.

As I dug deeper into Taoist philosophies, I'd often think, "Yes, I get this!" And then I would think about how I could incorporate this new way of thinking into my life. How could I be more accepting? How could I desire less? How could I simplify more? But interestingly, whenever I started down this path, I would start to feel angry inside. At first, I didn't know what was going on. How could trying to live better make me feel angry? I thought perhaps my subconscious was rebelling against change, and that might have been partially true. Deepak Chopra suggests that sometimes when we start living in a more authentic way we may awaken latent anger. That also could have been true. But then in rereading the TTC, I was reminded of the error we make when we are too eager to achieve anything, even a life more aligned with the Tao. In verse 15 we read

The Master doesn't seek fulfillment.

Not seeking, not expecting,

she is present, and can welcome all things. (SM)

Lao Tzu is reminding us that it's only when we aren't seeking and expecting, i.e., being ambitious, that things will naturally come to us.

He goes on to say,

Do you have the patience to wait

till your mud settles and the water is clear?

Can you remain unmoving

till the right action arises by itself? (SM)

Here he reminds us that what we seek will come to us when the time is right, but we need to be patient and not take action until it's clear what we need to do. If we are eager to do too much too soon, we might end up doing something very different from what we really need to do and end up worse off than how we began.

Part of allowing the mud to settle or the right action to arise by itself is to embrace imperfection. Verse 22 says

If you want to become whole,

let yourself be partial.

If you want to become straight,

let yourself be crooked.

If you want to become full,

let yourself be empty.

If you want to be reborn,

let yourself die.

If you want to be given everything,

give everything up.

Lao Tzu is expressing one of the great paradoxes of Taoism: That if you really want to achieve something, you have to allow yourself to be imperfect or incomplete in that area. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George, after years of trying to make a better life for himself and failing time and time again, finally embraces his mediocrity. He tells a girl at the diner, "Hi, I'm George. I'm an unemployed, overweight bald man who still lives with his parents." and he gets the girl, and suddenly everything falls into place for him. With self-improvement, understanding, a career, a relationship, financial security - the answer is not to try more but instead to fully accept our imperfection, our incompleteness, and let go of the obsession with improvement and getting what we think we need to be happy. Then in time, by living a simple life that reflects our true nature, what is best for us will come. By accepting our imperfect, incomplete reality, we make ourselves vulnerable and completely honest with ourselves, others, and life itself.

And it's not just that we won't get where we want to go if we are too fixed on the destination; we might destroy our work altogether. Verse 66 says

Rushing into action, you fail.

Trying to grasp things, you lose them.

Forcing a project to completion,

you ruin what was almost ripe.

If I am pushing myself to live the life of the sage, I am further from my goal than ever. If I am trying to force anything, even good things, I ruin the end result.

When we let go of ambition, we accept that growth of any kind takes time. To decide that tomorrow we will be different or the situation will be different is really shortsighted. We also accept that we may not know what is best for us or the situation in this moment. Deciphering what is really needed takes time and maybe experience. Right now you might think you know what you want or need, but in a few months your understanding of that may have changed entirely. When we let go of ambition we also acknowledge that any worthwhile and lasting change comes not from us, but through the Tao. The Tao is the source of all peace, understanding, strength, wisdom, truth and beauty. To think we can force those things through our own dogged efforts is ignorant and naive.

Letting go of ambition is part of being content and accepting the status quo. We are okay with how things are right now, so we don't seek anything. We are okay with being confused and imperfect, and in this state we are led by the our true nature, a much better guide than ambition. In this state we are also examples to others. Verse 66 says

Content with an ordinary life,

[they] can show all people the way

back to their own true nature.

So as you learn about the Tao and the philosophies of Taoism, don't be too intent on changing your life right away. Reflect on what you are learning but don't a lot of goals to immediately start living a Taoist life. Instead, spend more time in meditation, letting the truths of the Tao slowly make their way into your heart and mind. If you must set goals, set goals based on actions you will make rather than results you expect. Instead of aiming to have fewer desires, aim to meditate more. Instead of aiming to treat others with more kindness, aim to read the words of the Tao more often. This guidance is especially important If you come across an idea that confuses you or that you seem to resist. Instead of seeking immediate understanding and answers, sit with it if you can, but let go of it temporarily if you must. With time, patience, and contentment, it will make sense to you, and it will become part of your life without any effort on your part. In any event, definitely don't try to force yourself to do or stop doing anything. Whenever we force something, we give the opposing force more power, and our efforts are thwarted. It's better to accept our imperfections, try to stay in the moment and follow the guidance to be good to all. In time, your actions and desires will be more aligned with your true nature, and everything that should be part of your life will materialize.